Saturday, December 1, 2012

How to Lose Friends and Alienate People


"Aw, this is pretty. I like pretty things," says an unsuspecting acquaintance,  seemingly oblivious to the awkwardness that awaits.

"You should see my house!" I respond, a little too eagerly.

"What’s in your house?"

"Well, my main room didn’t have the best lighting. So I had to install some bulbs, and so I put a big tree on the wall, with the lights in the tree, and the wires as vines running down the tree...it’s all very celtic and mystical, it’s really quite nice. And then there are clouds. And a dragon."

"...A dragon?"

"Yes, a dragon. And that’s the one wall. And then the other wall has an octopus, and jellyfish, and a sea urchin..."

"...I fear you."

"Oh, and on the other wall, there’s the explosion of the universe."

"...Dear god."

"It’s pretty! I made it out of shiny paper and bristol board."

"...Never speak to me again."

1 comment:

Laura said...

I just had to paint over a dragon mural in my house, I'm in mourning. The spare room still has a seven foot tall Pegasus though so it's not all bad.