Important Thoughts

I have something very important to share with everyone.

I, too, hate Nickelback. I hate them so, so much.

But Ivy, you cry in disbelief, why would you say such a thing? Isn’t it a little late to jump on that bandwagon? And also, aren’t you Canadian? Don’t you all have some weird allegiance which forbids this sort of naysaying?

To these assorted remarks, I reply with this: Because I want to, yes and shut up, and indeed, I am Canadian - but as a Canadian, I feel I have suffered unfairly at the generic-chord-strumming hands of the band that is Nickelback, and such a violation of my ears and soul trumps any allegiance I would otherwise have for my Canadian brethren.

You see, Canadian content regulations stipulate that a certain percentage of music played by any given radio station must come from Canadian artists - usually, 35% - and this means that certain lazy radio stations tend to overplay certain generic sounds, over and over again until the Canadian public’s ears bleed, so this mandated quota is met.

While there are a great many Canadian artists whose music is good, great, and utterly fabulous, finding them takes effort, and since Nickelback continues to sell albums, their songs continue to be played. All the time. On a disturbingly large number of stations. Avoiding their sound - which has gone from annoying, to frustrating, to unmitigated-rage-inducing - is nearly impossible.

Sadly, this system itself - which guarantees that Canadian artists aren’t neglected in favor of American musicians - has good intentions and unfortunate results. Whenever a Canadian musician gains mass popularity (usually through backing by American producers, cough), this leads to their music being mercilessly overplayed. Until we hate them, and fantasize about stabbing them in the face, repeatedly. I’m talking about you, Avril Lavigne.* **

(*I’m also talking about Celine Dion and Shania Twain, and yes, even Feist. You known what you did.)

(**For legal purposes, let’s be clear: I have never, nor do I intend to ever, actually stab Avril Lavigne or any person in the face, no matter how untalented and incredibly annoying they may be, nor do I encourage others to do so on my behalf, or on behalf of society. But imagining such an event, in an entirely abstract form, is still lots of fun.)

Okay, a quick review of my writing has led me to realize that I’ve used the word ‘Canadian’ no less than ten times so far in this posting, or eleven times if you count when I said ‘Canadian’ earlier in this sentence...crap, twelve. So, that may be a bit much. I’m going to stop now, and try my hand at making pop-up Christmas cards, because it’s my day off and I’m incredibly cool.

Peace out.