Wednesday, December 9, 2009

In French, 'like' and 'love' are the same word.

Love isn't blind, it's blinding.

Think of love like a bacterial infection. Often, it enters through the eyes, or through direct contact of other mucous membranes, like the mouth, or sometimes the genitals, leading to infection. Previously, before sterilization techniques were widespread, contaminated food was a common entryway, leading to infection of the stomach, which is a particularly speedy and devastating route.

Once infected, many are able to fight off the love-bacteria on their own, but for a few, the infection spreads, eventually moving on to other organs and, eventually, the lungs and heart. Once bacteria have entered the heart, the individual in question begins exhibiting the most severe symptoms and the bacteria becomes almost impossible to remove.

At this point, individuals may experience palpitations, nausea, vomiting, and very commonly, diarrhea. More severe cases lead to tinnitus (ringing in the ears, often a high-pitched 'violin-like' noise), and the characteristic 'blindness,' experiences of seeing auras, and the vision problems mentioned above.

Doctors continue to advise vulnerable individuals to avoid alcohol, which seems to weaken the body's natural defenses against invading pathogens, including the love bacteria. Avoid crowds, cough into your sleeve, and be cautious around those that you suspect may be already infected.

If you yourself are infected, it is important to stay hydrated, get lots of rest, and wait for the bacteria to take its course. Often, this takes only a few weeks, though sometimes as long as two years, especially with repeat exposures.

Unfortunately, love has been shown to be resistant to even the strongest of antibiotics. Medical intervention has not been found to be helpful, and may actual be counter-productive in many cases, as it forces infected individuals out into the community, where they risk exposing others and talking endlessly about the symptoms of their infection, which is quite bothersome. If you think you might be infected, please, stay home.

Godspeed, one day we'll find a cure.

2 comments:

Zero said...

In French, to like is to "aimer" to love is to "adorer"

Ivy Donegal said...

Not according to 10 years of mediocre Canadian public school education! Which is to say, you might be right.